I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
