the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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