sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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