I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
