Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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