You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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