Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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