he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
