Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
