There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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