Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Randomize
