I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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