sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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