It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
BRING THE BAGELS
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
