im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
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I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize