In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
