just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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