he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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