As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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