I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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