sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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