Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize