Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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