I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
