Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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