everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
