He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
