I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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