Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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