I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
