I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
