i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
