My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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