At least make sure they are 18
Why
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
