i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
