he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
