in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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