FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
