yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You need a sexual gate keeper
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
