I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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