Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
