I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
