so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
