My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
