I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
