two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
