Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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