I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
