Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
sex in a hospital.. check
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
