I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
