U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
