He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
