Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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