life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
