I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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