I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
