do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
