she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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