take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
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I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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