when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
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why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
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There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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