I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
