You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
