Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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