so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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