i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize