apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
