just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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