Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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