Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
