How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
The best revenge is premature balding
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
