whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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