you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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