Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
