so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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