I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize