So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When are your genitals available?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
